


Changing

by serapheim



Category: DBSK|Tohoshinki|TVXQ, Real Person Fiction
Genre: Confessions, First Love, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Lovers to Friends, M/M, Romance, Temporarily Unrequited Love, True Love, Unrequited Love, very mild angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-12
Updated: 2013-06-12
Packaged: 2017-12-14 18:31:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/840009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serapheim/pseuds/serapheim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jaejoong and Yunho used to be close. But now they are not, Yunho wonders why.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Changing

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Compromising](https://archiveofourown.org/works/839533) by [serapheim](https://archiveofourown.org/users/serapheim/pseuds/serapheim). 



> request done for pho7be @ livejournal.  
> This can be read as a remix or an alternative version of "Compromising", or as a stand alone.

He is so gentle, so sweet. He is kind to everybody and it’s hard for him to say ‘no’ to anybody, especially people close to him. He is smart and he reads a lot, and more often than not surprises us with some bits of information he has read. He is meticulous in many ways, always keeping his things immaculate and in perfect order. Whatever it is that he starts doing, he gets thoroughly absorbed in the task and he won’t set it aside until it is finished.  
   
Just like now.  
   
I was washing dishes as he asked me if I needed help. And now he is drying the plates and glasses with a towel, setting the utensils on the table with utmost care. I can’t help smiling when I see him so concentrated on such a trivial task.  
   
“Stop rubbing a poor plate so hard or the pattern will come off,” I say.  
   
He looks up at me and grins embarrassedly. “Sorry,” he says, “I just wanted to make sure they were dry.”  
   
“They are just plates,” I say. ‘And you are so cute’, I think, but dare not to utter aloud.  
   
“But if I don’t dry them properly, Jaejoong, one may slip out of my hands. I don’t want to break anything,” he is staring at his hands when he says that, “I’ve already…” He breaks off.  
   
There is some strange feeling at the pit of my stomach. It feels as if I might be sick very soon.  
   
“What do you mean?” Because I swear, Changmin may be the smartest kid of us all, but I am not that stupid not to realize that it is not mere pottery he is talking about.  
   
“I… I…”  
   
“What do you mean, Changmin?” I look at him, but he keeps staring down at his hands and thus successfully avoiding my gaze. “Tell me, I am yet to possess the ability to read your mind.”  
   
One of his shoulders raises up in a timid shrug. He mumbles something under his breath.  
   
“What?” I say. The sound of running water prevented me from catching his words. “What did you say?”  
   
“I said I have already broken up you and Yunho!”  
   
Those words make my heart stop for a second and then resume its pace with a painful beat. I turn away from the sink and look at him. He keeps avoiding my eyes. So I come up to him and cup his face making him look at me. I am quite aware of water running down my hands or the fact that my fingers smell strongly of detergent, but I do not care. All I care of is the boy who feels insecure.  
   
“Listen to me, Changmin,” I take deep breath and continue. “What I and Yunho had was very nice, but it wasn’t love. We care about each other, but the feelings never exceeded mere friendship. What I feel for you can in no way be compared to what I felt, what I feel, to him. I love you. I hope you remember that.”  
   
“I do. I love you too, Jae, but…”  
   
“No buts. You never broke us up. Because we never were ‘together’ to begin with. Do you understand?”  
   
“Yes,” he says that in such a meek voice as if he is answering to an angry teacher.  
   
“Good.” I pause and then add smiling. “Kiss me?”  
   
His lips feel like a blessing against mine.  
   
*****  
   
He sleeps like a kitten curling around me. His face is calm and relaxed. He looks like an angel and I can’t help reaching out and brushing his hair. He sighs and leans into my touch.  
   
This love I have been feeling for him for some time was so intense, I didn’t know what to do with it. I was scared that he wouldn’t return my feelings, that he would be disgusted. But it turned out that he feels as strongly towards me as well.  
   
What Yunho and I had was most caused by our mutual need for comfort and physical pleasure. We care for each other, but we never claimed to feel anything special. So it has never been a problem of choice. Changmin was the only option.  
   
I regret disturbing the sleeping boy, but I can’t sleep and the thought of a glass of cold milk – the leftovers from Changmin’s obligatory evening milk – makes my mouth water. Carefully I slip from under him. He murmurs something in sleep, undoubtedly sensing the loss of a warm body. But I just brush a hand through his hair soothingly, tuck the blanket around him and tiptoe out of the room.  
   
The apartment is silent as I walk into the kitchen, turn on the lights and head for the fridge. Cold milk tastes like Changmin and I smile as I take a swallow from a bottle.  
   
Sudden noise behind me startle me and I almost drop the bottle. The fear as I balance the grip around the bottle neck surges through me and I am instantly reminded of that talk with Changmin. I turn and I see Yunho standing and blinking at the bright light owlishly.  
“Why aren’t you in bed?” He asks and I want to ask him the same question, only it is obvious that my activity has woken him up.  
   
“Couldn’t sleep. Drinking milk,” I hold up the bottle. Before I would have offered him to share, but now I don’t. Milk and Changmin are inseparable in my mind and I am not sharing him with anyone.  
   
He nods and simply looks at me, more awake now. He is wearing grey shorts and a t-shirt, which I instantly recognize. Once Yunho started tickling me and in attempt to stop him I grabbed a fistful of his shirt and managed to rip a hole in it. It was such a little hole, just above his shoulder near neckline, but he made me sew it. And then we kissed and made love.  
   
Even from where I am standing I can see that tiny stitched place. Just a crease in the fabric, but I know it is there. It makes me awkward suddenly to know Yunho so intimately and to stand half away across the kitchen from him. It seems as if he feels the uneasiness too and fidgets a little.  
   
I finish the milk with some regret and throwing away the bottle, I fully intend to return to my kitten-boy. I am passing Yunho, when he suddenly grabs my hand stopping me. He holds my wrist in a loose grip. I can free myself easily and I understand that he means no harm. I stand and wait for him to speak.  
   
“Are you happy?”  
   
The question startles me only because I thought the answer was obvious.  
   
“Yes, I am.” I look at him, but his face betrays nothing. So I ask, “Why?”  
   
“Is Changmin really the one you need?”  
   
There is something in Yunho’s voice which makes me wonder…  
   
“You aren’t jealous, are you?”  
   
He jerks his head up in surprise and lets go off my hand abruptly. He looks confused and disturbed and a bit guilty. He rubs the back of his neck in frustration. “It’s just hard to understand,” he confesses quietly. “One day we are together, another you and Changmin confess your love to each other and you act as if there was nothing between us!”  
   
I shake my head, feeling both surprised and ashamed that I didn’t guess what Yunho was feeling, being so absorbed in my relationship with Changmin. It is time to make amends.  
   
“Yunho,” I say gently, “we both know that there was nothing between us. From the very beginning we had agreed that it would be just an extension of our friendship. Nothing more. ‘No strings’, you said.” I make a pause and he nods confirming my words.  
   
“I have always loved Changmin,” I continue, “but I never thought he would return my feelings. But he did. He does. And here we are…” I shrug.  
   
“Yes, I know all that.” He groans, “I don’t know what I mean, don’t know what I feel. I just know that one minute you were mine and another…” He shrugs unable to express what he feels. “It’s just too fast,” he says finally.  
   
I touch his hand, move closer, asking for permission but he doesn’t object as I embrace him. “Gods, Jae,” he exhales, and his breath tickles my skin. “I miss you so much.”  
   
“I know. I miss you too in a way,” I whisper back, rocking him a little. “But now I have Minnie and I just wish I had told you about my feelings to him.”  
   
Holding Yunho and being held back is achingly familiar and it reminds me of all those times we sought the consolation and peace in each other’s embrace. It makes it both easy and hard to hold Yunho like that.  
   
I kiss his cheek as I move away.  
   
‘Time is flowing and things change at their own pace’, I think as I creep back to our room. ‘Nobody can predict what turn our life would take. So why bother?’  
   
I slip under the covers and snuggle closer to my precious boy, and I have no thoughts about what tomorrow might bring for all I want is here, lying in my arms.  
   
*****  
  
 _“All things must change to something new, to something strange.”_  
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807 - 1882)  
   
*****  
   
 _Written: Tuesday, August 22, 2006_  
 _Revised: Wednesday, 12 June, 2013_


End file.
